For the past month, my husband and I have been attending a support group for bereaved parents, called Circle of Comfort. This group is organized by the Hospice in Turlock, California. While I hate being a part of this exclusive club, it is very meaningful to be in the company of others who understand my pain.
While I was still pregnant with Jonah, I thought that I would eventually get through this and get over losing him. But I have learned that the grief I feel over Jonah will never completely go away, and I will live with his loss until the day I die. The other parents in my group have taught me that there is hope, and that it will get easier to live with in time.
Grieving is very hard work. The work that I have to do emotionally can take a toll on me physically. Once when I commented on how I feel like my c-section recovery is so slow, a wise friend told me that it will take me longer because I am also grieving. I have to rest and take care of myself, and be patient with my physical recovery. Resting is hard for me... I have a 3-year-old daughter, I like to stay busy to keep my mind off grieving, and I miss running so much!
When I return home from my support group, I am exhausted. The next day I am still drained, and I call it an "emotional hangover." The emotions from the night before were so intense, that it carries with me the next day. When I first came home from the hospital in January, I was in a state of emotional hangover for probably 3 weeks. Thankfully, those days are becoming less frequent.
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