Today's guest blogger is my husband, Adam! This morning he shared our story with our church family at Enclave Community Church. Thanks to my cousin, Alan, you can watch this sermon on YouTube by clicking this link-- https://youtu.be/wQ8Ftpy-1-s
I am so proud of my husband for boldly proclaiming our story of God's faithfulness. Like Adam mentioned in church, he felt called to share with our congregation, and I felt called to share on this blog. This morning was the unveiling of my blog address, as you can see here!
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1) God puts trials in your life
John 16:33--I
have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But the take heart; I have overcome the
world.
Romans 12:12--Rejoice in hope, be
patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.
*This all began a while ago. After much prayer, we felt called to have a
second child. We struggled at times with
Alice and just had tremendous respect for parents of multiple children because
we didn’t know how they could do it. I
decided to work through my prep period for a school year in order to get the
money needed for Danae to take an extended time off from work to have a second
child. Once we felt that God was wanting
us to have another child, it wasn’t long before Danae was pregnant.
* The first half of the pregnancy
was pretty normal and went by pretty fast because taking care of Alice was
taking all of our attention. However, we
just felt God’s hand over us in protection.
* Then came our 20-week
ultrasound. We were giddy with
excitement because we were going to find out the gender of our second
child. We began to get Alice’s old room
ready for the new arrival and we were really beginning to enjoy the thought of
having two children. However, once the
ultrasound began, the technician became very quiet and told us there was
something seriously wrong. There was a
very low amount of amniotic fluid and the technician could not find our baby’s
kidneys. The doctor recommended that we
see a specialist right away and would not comment on the situation until more
information was known.
* All I could feel was shock. We were in a daze and were in constant
prayer. Although we were able to see the
specialist two days later, I really do not remember much from those two days
except the overriding feeling that this should not be happening.
* After going in for another
ultrasound with the specialist, he told us our baby had a condition called
Potter’s Syndrome. Without going into too much detail, it meant that our baby would grow to full term and then die right after
birth. There was no chance of survival
and he highly recommended that we terminate the pregnancy right now. Not only was there no chance of survival for
our baby, but Danae had an increased chance of pre-eclampsia, which could lead
to death. To him, this was a no-brainer
for us to end the pregnancy.
* We were devastated! Why would God put it in our hearts to have
another child when this was the outcome!
We prayed deeply for the next couple of days on what we should do. After much prayer, we felt called to
continue the pregnancy because we felt we had no right to make that decision in
the first place.
*
However, it was not an easy choice.
It was probably the hardest choice in our lives. I remember wanting a miscarraige. That is not to make light of anyone who has
gone through such a tragedy. However,
with a miscarriage, we could begin the grieving process. Instead, we were going to spend the next four
months waiting for the death of our child.
We were going to have people constantly asking us about the pregnancy, I
mean, what else are you going to talk about with a pregnant woman? Every time the baby kicked, we would feel joy
and then a huge amount of sadness. Being
teachers, students would constantly ask about the baby. It felt like an open wound that would not
begin to heal for months on its own.
* We decided for Danae to take the
rest of the school year off. We were lucky
that our primary doctor wrote Danae an extended note of bed rest to help
us.
* As far as telling people, we let
our family in, and we let some of our close friends in on this fact. But we couldn’t bring ourselves to tell
everybody because we could not handle people seeing us and seeing the death
that was around us. I deflected
questions from my students and even had to deal with a baby shower from my
school, which honestly tore me up inside.
* Although few people have
experienced this, everyone has experienced loss, and everyone goes through
trials. That brings me to my next point:
2) Put your faith in God
Romans 8:28 --And we know that in all things God works for the
good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose.
1 Peter 5:9--Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you
know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same
kind of sufferings.
1 Thessalonians 3:7-- Therefore, brothers and sisters, in all our distress and persecution we
were encouraged about you because of your faith.
* First let me mention that by putting our faith
in God, the pain did not go away. We
struggled, we wondered why us? But as we
prayed, we knew that God had a plan. I
know that everyone going through pain and trials do not want to hear that God
has a plan. However, God’s plan has
never been about just you or me, He has a plan to work through countless lives
to bring about saving grace for anyone He chooses. Basically, His plan is not about us, it’s
about Him. And the more we are in
communion with God, the more we get to see His grace and plan extended to people all around us. We don’t know the
plan and don’t understand it, but He was going to work miracles through it all.
*God is faithful.
I cannot stress this enough. He
was (and is) by my side every step of the way.
3) Pray for God’s miracles
Psalm 4:1-- Answer me when I call to
you, O my righteous God. Give me relief
from my distress; be merciful to me and hear my prayer.
Psalm 145:18-- The Lord is near to all
who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth.
Matthew 7:11-- If you, then, though you
are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your
Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him!
* When we prayed, we prayed for
Jonah to be healed, but more than that, we prayed for God’s will to be
done. We prayed for miracles from God in
the entirety of the situation.
* Personally for me, I would get
mad when some people told me or Danae that they knew God was going to perform
the miracle of healing Jonah. I was mad
because it seemed like there was only one miracle that could happen, and if our
child wasn’t healed, then God did nothing.
* Let me say this as clearly as
possible…God performed countless miracles.
Here are just some of those miracles and blessings:
- Danae had just finished knitting Jonah’s hat a
couple of days before delivery
- Danae had organized everything in the house
(including freezer meals) the week before Jonah was born. We just picked out a boy outfit at Target a few
days before (not knowing Jonah was a boy).
- Danae had just pulled out a special baby blanket from
our storage.
- I had federal jury duty that was postponed from
Jan. 20th to April.
- We just took down all the Christmas decorations
a day or two before.
- Danae and I had shared our testimonies at our
village [fellowship group] the last time we met before Jonah's delivery.
- We met with a talented photographer who volunteers for Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, an organization that takes pictures
of children who pass away right after their birth. Not only did she give us free maternity
photos three days before the delivery, she also came at 1:00 in the morning to
take pictures right after Jonah passed away, instead of in the morning.
- We met the OB/GYN doctor who performed the c-section the day before Danae went into labor.
- I was at the funeral home with my dad, starting to get the paperwork done when Danae went into labor.
- The delivery was three weeks early. This was a huge blessing because we did not have to set a death date for
our child. It also answered Danae’s
prayers, who was having a real hard time in the last trimester due to the low amniotic fluid.
- My brother Colby actually answered his phone (he is notorious for not answering calls for days) and was there at the
hospital, along with our parents that night.
- Allowing Danae to be awake during the c-section. Since it was an emergency c-section, there was a debate whether they would have to put Danae under during
the operation which would not allow her to experience Jonah’s time here.
- We did not find out Jonah’s gender until his
birth (after not knowing from 7 or 8 ultrasounds).
- I had always wanted to have a son, and it was
truly a blessing to have one! I told
Danae that night that I felt our family was complete after Jonah.
- We got to spend an hour with Jonah, when the
pediatrician told us he might die within a minute of birth.
- Jonah was born and passed away right at the end
of January 13th, meaning that he did not die on my father-in-law’s
birthday.
- God gave us a supernatural peace throughout the
night. Even when we called our family in
to see Jonah (after he passed), Danae told everyone to not cry, that it was a
celebration.
- During the memorial service, God blessed our
music leader Tim during the service. He
told me afterwards that during the service, he had a vision of Jonah thanking
him in heaven for the music that he played.
- Also, God provided pastor Brandon with a new
sermon the morning of the memorial service which he proclaimed with boldness to the
people who attended. It was such a great
sermon because it not only honored Jonah, but more importantly, it honored God!
- With the donations that people made in Jonah’s
name to the Hilmar Christian Children’s Center, they were able to build an outdoor playhouse for the children, called Jonah’s
Schoolhouse [more on that in another blog post].
When you look at the small things, you see that
God was abundantly pouring out blessings onto our family in the midst of the
hardest times in our life. God is
faithful! We have been blessed
abundantly by God and are now living more by faith. One decision that we have made in faith is
that Danae is staying home to raise Alice and we are currently living on one income. [Temporarily, on a leave of absence from her school district.] She is truly enjoying her time as a mother, and
this would not have been possible without trusting in God’s provision.
4) Get connected with
the church
Hebrews 10: 24-25-- And let us consider
how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up
meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one
another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
* As I mentioned before, as soon as we found out of Jonah’s
condition, we told our parents of the situation. Aside from our family and closest friends, however, it was the
church that helped strengthen us through the process. Even during that fateful ultrasound, I was
texting Pastor Brandon and Nathan (the other members of my small group) to
pray for us. Danae had help from her
small group as well. It wasn’t long before we let our village into the circle.
* We did not let everybody into the
circle, but we had people constantly praying and supporting us through the
process. It helped in having people know
the pain we are going through and offer encouragement along the way. We know that we have felt the prayers from
people to help us in the process.
* I need to mention that the church really helped us with meals
after Jonah’s passing. Our friends helped
organize meals from the church and family that basically fed us for a
month. We felt truly blessed for
people’s support and know it was another blessing from God!
* True fellowship with believers is one facet in which I get
to enjoy God here on Earth. But true
fellowship invovles allowing people to see both the triumphs and the
tragedies. We need to be in communion
with God and believers and show them our brokenness.
5) We are broken
(even more than before)
Psalm 147:3-- He heals the brokenhearted and
binds up their wounds.
Matthew 11:28-30-- Come to me, all you who are
weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in
heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
*While Danae was still pregnant, I thought that Jonah’s death would be something that I
would get over, something that I would move on from. One thing that I am learning is I will never
get over this. I am broken, even more than
before, and I think it is a way God is reminding me that I must be dependent on Him at all times. We had to realize and
accept our brokenness to start healing.
When people ask Danae how she is doing, she will often say, “I’m going
to be a mess for a while and I’m learning to be OK with that.”
*We still are reminded of Jonah everytime we see a baby or
an expectant mother, and it is the reason you always see me and Danae sitting at the
front of the church.
* This is the reason why Danae is not leading worship right
now. The emotions are still too raw for
her, and she cannot yet sing without crying.
*Going through this journey has been a lonely one at times,
because no one knows exactly how we are feeling. People have been uncomfortable around us and
do not know what to say, which is totally understandable. Before this experience, I would not have known
what to say, either. We have joined a
support group for grieving parents which has helped us tremendously, and has
taught us a lot about going through the grieving process.
*Here are some recommendations for talking to grieving
parents:
- Remember our child by speaking about him. Part of the healing process is talking about
Jonah and our pregnancy. The worst thing
you can do is ignore Jonah and pretend that he never existed.
- Ask us how we are doing, and ask if there is
anything you can do to help.
- Realize that we might start crying when you talk
to us, but that is OK. This is the “new
normal” and we are going to be emotional for a while.
- We have been told that in grieving, the first
year is the hardest. Remember us on
holidays, say a prayer, send a card, set up a “play date.” The pain is not going away anytime soon, and
we still need prayers and support.
- Don’t fall into cliches. For example, some people might think, “You’re
young; you can have another baby.” While
that may be true, Jonah is irreplaceable.
Another child would never make up for missing him everyday.
- Realize that we struggle daily with
happiness. In one hand we hold the grief
over losing our child, and in the other hand we try to enjoy each day God has
given us and enjoy the union that we have with God. It’s a delicate balance.
6) Our new focus in
on Eternity
Philippians 3:20-- But
our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus
Christ.
Revelation 21:4-- He
will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither
shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things
have passed away.
*With Jonah passing away, my heart and soul is
now focused on the eternal. I know that
Jonah is in heaven now. And it is tragic
that he passed away, but when is death not tragic? When is death not unnatural?
*I ask myself, will it matter that I did not
spend 30, 40, 50 years with Jonah when I get to heaven? What about after 100 years in heaven? A thousand? A hundred-thousand?
*With eternity, the pain of Earth will wash
away. I look forward to seeing what type
of person Jonah is and hope that he is watching now as I give God the glory.
*I want to stress though that our enjoyment of
God is present now. And Danae and me truly love giving our lives to Him. But we also get to look forward to eternity
with God and Jonah.
Let me close with this, God is good… All of the time…Even in the time of our
distress God is good and I am thankful that the Lord has chosen me to share twith you that God is always good!
